1-27-26 Was very fortunate to have a repeat client--thank you P--yesterday! Very hot. And my returnee client from pre-COVID days. Whew. That truly headed toward a bottom scene. His sacral chakra energy is sooooo damn strong and hot. Must be the Italian in him! Mangia! Thank you God of M4M massage! LOL. Was fortunate to have acquired Final Cut Pro, Traktor 4 Pro (DJ mixing program) and Photoshop. Now I can again manipulate my own images.  Was thinking I need to set down and wr

https://poetsbridge.org/Saintorr Am very emotional, sad, fragile continuing to watch the events play out in Minneapolis. I used to live in St. Paul and have a very dear friend living there at present. To say ICE needs to leave, get a grip, try out new tactics, or BE BANNED...these are all understatements. Again Trump is accusing the fallen, the victims. This is tyranny and fascism at it's very worst. Innocent people--the guy killed this time was a nurse who worked with vetera

I feel more pure (if possible LOL). Less bloated? More svelt (is that just in my head?). Right away I'm thinking of when I go back to it (Friday tastings at Astor Place--yum). Sleeping Beauty here, playing with cirrhosis of the liver. (Not funny). But the Japanese Shozu (from Sweet Potatoes) is DO damn good! Also not cheap at $30 bucks a bottle!!!!!!! Oye...one day at a time. I may be having two clients today (JOY)...we shall see... time for a nap... ; ). I really shouldn't b

It seems that after the storm (the slow period) the sun again reappears although it's colder than a witches t**!. Thank you repeat client "B" for yesterday. Such a joy to work on you and to have that trust between us. So many things I fantasize about: best to keep it all about the massage though LOL. You are my client. Period. Also was very happy to receive an inquiry from a potential client visiting from another city. Great body! Hope he sets something up. We aim to please.

and yet I do. Moody Cancer here. Lest I forget--the foundation of it all: I'm GRATEFUL for my HEALTH today! : ).

Again I find myself super aware of my drinking habits and questioning them. And the stories I hear of how others have ruined their lives through too much booze constantly serve as a cautious reminder to me to always monitor my intake. Interesting that I have had my good times with wine (a few bottles of red a week for an unspecified number of weeks and years) when finally a therapist finally pointed out that the wine had become my best friend.  I love the buzz of that first s

First let me say--I'm sad I don't have any clients today--on the Great One's Birthday--you'd think SOMEONE would have the day off and want a fabulous massage. It's too cold. There's too many of us offering massages (or fake massages with porn bodies). So I'm having a beer: Yeah I know it's kinda early for that but I'll probably have two. I have already jerked off. I had a dopamine crave: I got my fix myself...mesmerized by porn! And didn't have to pay for it: well, only in t

Please come for a massage: late night special rates NOW, i.e., from 10 PM to 12 Midnight I will work on you for 1 hour (in-call). What the hell are you waiting for?

When you are not on your phone or jerking off LOL. Dancer from the Dance: Underworld by Don DeLillo This is another quote from T.M. She said she did not think much of modern fiction writers who reference their own lives instead of inventing new material, and she used to tell her creative writing students, "I don't want to hear about your little life, OK?" On this I heartily disagree as one of my favorite quotes is by Gide "Out of yourself--create." If I take all my experience

1-4-26 I heartily affirm that my powers of resilience are stronger in me: than my tendencies toward self-drama, self-immolation and suicidal ideation. Amen. "We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives." Toni Morrison Double amen!

I think I felt in a small way that I got my groove back today when I sat down and I wrote for just like an hour: then proceeded to begin to assemble my final collection of short stories for Digital Kindle (suddenly their app is very user friendly). I had secretly hoped that I would create a buzz on Substack. Which I'm seeing is just another doomed social media whore feeding frenzy site: Then I felt weird, like why do I even bother with this? Because--I answer myself, people n

a Perfect World...Just discovered this; so deep and rich....12-22-25

Here is my second favorite hymn (with humanistic overtones), a most lovely prayer: also great when you just need to massage your mind with beauty and need a good cry. Thank you Eric Whitacre. The cell phones and even the movies have become stale. It's like my Soul is looking for something deeper and I see clearly that this mass hypnosis (AI, news addiction, etc.) is not enough infact too much automatic, over indulgence will make you feel off and unwell (well, I did download P

It started with a slight shortness of breath last Sat. and by Sun. I was on my ass in bed. Now four days later I'm well on the road to recovery. This was scary--almost E.R. material! You know the feeling when your mind goes there "Oh who's going to feed the cat, shall I call an ambulance? Is it that bad???!!!!! Ha ha. I recall when I had my heart incident back in 2009 (on 9-11) of course and I casually rode my bike over the ER of the old Mt. Sinai (now a condo) without a care

The challenge in difficult times to align oneself with beauty; whether it be a visit to a special place OR to listen to a favorite piece of music. These oh so simple things have the miraculous power to uplift and inspire. And they are free. Below is one of my favorite hymns, it's pure beauty and sensuality never cease to bring tears to my eyes and inspire heavenly thoughts. Thank you Philip Stopford.

11-14-25 & 11-15-25 The moon is waning! Wanted to get wasted tonight; so much insurance frustration!!!!!! But maintained sobriety... Talk about ambiguity!!!!!! I hate it…sticking up for myself and NOT over-sharing—just asking for clarity. More important that ever to be your own advocate as a senior! Then feeling like I’m being raped every time these so-called support service people apologize--it's like a dagger in my heart--the sheer stress they imbue by posturing being nice!

“Threads of Mist and Fog” From Dreams to be Buried In By God Body Disconnect It's my last night at TSI's Miele's Respite on the Creedmor State Psychiatric Hospital campus--really more of a huge park/sanctuary/reserve far out and deep within the outer reachers of Queens. The track above is a great ending score to my stay today,11-1-25. My short story started out "The Ghost of Creedmor" then became "The Ghosts of Creedmor" and finally I reached a subconscious to conscious rev